Assassins
by say0narabus
Summary: Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke are all assassins who are out to kill each other. The last one alive gets the reward of fifty thousand dollars.
1. Prolouge

Assassins

say0narabus: All flames about this story are welcome, about me though…

**NOT TOLERATED. **And I don't own the Naruto franchise.

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In a world where crime and money rule the world, most would consider killing the fastest way to make money. But alas, only 3 would ever be considered the best.

Uzumaki Naruto: If he had actually cared, no one would be dead. They say he should have died five times, even though he dosen't. He enjoys leaving his mark, explosions and bullet holes. This guy barges in with no regard for anyone but himself and the money. He has two P90 Submachine Guns, a 50 Cal. Sniper, an M4 with grenade launcher attached, M95 assault rifle, a MP5, Steyr Stg.77 AUG assault rifle, like five trillion frag grenades, and tear gas (for the heck of it).

So a world middleweight wrestling champ carrying over 50 lbs. of equipment goes barging in shooting everything he sees.

Haruno Sakura: Poison and explosives expert. In her world, there are two ways to kill someone, slowly or fast. I mean she will scare your nose up your own ass, seriously. On one of her previous missions, she disguised herself as a maid. The next day she had replaced the target's contact lenses with explosives, as soon as he had them on, boom. The poison part, she has invented a poison that will slowly eat away at your insides for five straight hours, the pain only rising and finally after the hours are done, you spontaneously combust, without the spontaneous part.

So yeah, this Kung Fu master can kill you over a hundred times without even touching you.

Uchiha Sasuke: Heck, few have heard his voice, but no one has lived to see his face. I can't write a lot about him except for his last mission, he erased all camera files, disabled all of the security systems, didn't kill a single person aside from the bank president, and stole five billion dollars (it was an international bank). Remember how I said Sakura would scare you, this guy entered the bank with only a knife through the ceiling. Whomever he had interrogated for information was left as an empty shell.

This Hapkido master could (and would if he had wanted to) steal your TV in broad daylight when you went to the bathroom during commercials.

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Naruto living in Vegas, Sakura in Tokyo, and Sasuke living in the thick of an African jungle, all received DVD's of their next hit.

Sakura got her DVD in a box. She put her ear to each side and opened up a small section of one side, removed the bomb, and took out the DVD. When she had played it, a shadowy figure popped up on her TV.

"Hello", said the figure, "you may not know who I am but I know who you are"

"Most likely some bureaucrat", Sakura said to herself.

"I propose a job offer with a reward of fifty trillion dollars."

"I'm listening."

"You have to kill two assassins, Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke," he said with their pictures appearing on the screen, "you may have heard of them."

"Who hasn't heard of the invincible man or the modern ninja?"

"They shall be at dock 19 next week in San Francisco at midnight, armed and dangerous."

"No shit."

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Naruto, when he had gotten his DVD, he let the thing blow right up in his face, with nothing wrong but a torn up t-shirt.

When he played the DVD, it played like the one Sakura got. In fact, there were no differences aside from the fact that the target names were different and the reactions to the figure and its words were little to no way similar.

"Hello, you may not know who I am, but I know who you are. I propose a job offer with a reward of fifty trillion dollars."

"DAMN!" shouted Naruto.

"You have to kill two assassins, Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Sasuke. You may have heard of them."

"How the hell am I supposed to kill them?"

"They shall be in dock 19 next week in San Francisco at midnight, armed and dangerous."

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Now, some of you might be wondering what in the fucking world is Sasuke doing in a hut in Africa, well he likes to be alone.

Some random street peddler was most likely bribed to through the package through a window. _"But how is he supposed to watch the DVD if he lives in a hut?" _you might ask, well, if ya stop bitchin about it and keep on reading you'll find out.

Sasuke, finding the box, opened up his mat using a six-digit code he then jumped down onto a platform and threw the box into a small room with a window so he could see. When the automated cutters opened it up, it exploded, reveling a DVD, which he played on his 60-inch flat screen TV through his massage chair that then had glass of wine slowly pop up out of the armrest.

"Hello, you may not know who I am-"

"You're the current leader of the Triads in Los Angeles who got pretty ticked off when most of your higher ranking officers was killed because your rival gang hired myself and other assassins to kill them, the background and your voice gave it away," answered Sasuke.

"-but I know who you are. I propose a job offer with a reward of fifty trillion dollars."

"Uh-huh."

"I need you to kill two other assassins, Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura. You may have heard of them."

"Of course."

"They shall be in dock 19 next week in San Francisco at midnight. Armed and dangerous."

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SSF: So how'd ya like it, and if I don't get the enough reviews this thing goes off and "You can say hello to my little friend." Just kidding. And just run a Google search on the guns.


	2. Naruto's Training

Say0narabus: Okay, I lied, here it is. And:

"All flames about this story are welcome, about me though… **NOT TOLERATED.**"

And I do not own any part of the Naruto franchise or any of the weapons stated. (And its rated M for language, blood, and gore, there is no raping in this story). And thanks to **Japanese Noodles **for the advice.

Assassins

So, Sasuke had run a Google search on the dock and went to see it for himself once he had landed, via private jet, in San Francisco. Sakura had arrived there on a plane she piloted herself. And once she got there she was strategically placing explosives around the dock, everything from normal explosions to chemical that leave a horrible, and malignant rash to most humans and that release a deadly miasma into the air. Naruto had just simply explored the place.

So anyway Naruto had barged in with four .44 magnum Desert Eagle handgun with barrel magazines (the magazine is straight until it leaves the gun after which, it rotates into a circular prism), two FN P90 submachine guns in each hand at the start, a Steyr Stg.77 AUG assault rifle, a Remington 870MCS shotgun with a 10 in. barrel and no buttstock, a M107 .50 cal sniper rifle, a M4 carbine with a M203 grenade launcher attached, and a seemingly endless supply of fragmentation, tear, and smoke grenades. Only to be greeted by a green eyed beauty.

"Bye-bye." Sakura chuckled as she pushed the detonator, but still wondering why Naruto was smirking. However she didn't give it much thought as five C4 charges simply blew up right underneath him.

"What's so funny?" asked Naruto as he calmly walked out with only rips on the clothes that weren't made up of a strong enough material.

"What the fu-" Sakura started to ask, but then decided to duck behind some cover as Naruto tried to shoot at her with one of his P90's.

_FLASHBACK (Naruto is age 12)_

"What are we doing here again?" Naruto asked.

"Training." Jiraya replied as he walked into a shed that was so dark that you couldn't see your hand in front of your face.

"Okay… how exactly?"

"Simple do you know what this is?" Jiraya said as he pulled out a lantern and a grenade.

"Of course it's a MarkIIA1, fitted with the M10A3 fuse."

"Good, now do you know what I'm sitting on?"

"A barrel of gun powder?"

"Correct, now I best advise you start running." he said as he pulled the pin out.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Go, unless you wanna stay here."

Naruto was out of there faster than lighting sprinting for his life. But of course, he was still caught in the explosion, but receiving minimal injury. However when he looked back at Jiraya, he was still there, just missing his shirt, but without a scratch.

"HOW DID YA DO THAT?" Naruto shouted at his teacher.

"Believe it or not, the human body doesn't use up all of its muscles."

"Okay, but YOU STILL DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION DAMMIT"

"Fine, if you use more of your muscles you can in crease the reaction, this is important because if you don't supply a large enough reaction you will either have it go through you, make you fall over, or destroy you completely."

"Ooooooooooooooo… how do I do that?"

"Simple you use all of your brain."

"I AM NOT AN IDIOT!"

"No, no, that's not what I meant. The human brain is like its body, it doesn't use up all of its brain cells, people who are either psychics or natural born geniuses already know how to use up more of their brain cells."

"Awesome I wanna try!" Naruto said as he took out a grenade and pulled the pin out and immediately started concentrating as hard as hard as he could.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, not yet genius. It will take months, maybe years to learn how to use all of your brain, but once you learn that it will take even more time to learn how to use all your muscles"

So of course Naruto had learned how to do this very quickly, give or take two years.

_END FLASHBACK_

"Okay, that didn't work, so how about some incendiary explosives." whispered Sakura, as she then pressed the second button on the detonator.

Naruto then was caught on fire and pulled out his Desert Eagle. He shot twice at Sakura and even managed to clip her ear, he was shooting randomly. He also shot at the roof and activated the fire-prevention system. Sasuke had then seen how flustered Naruto was and stabbed him in the back, ripped it out messily and stabbed Naruto once again so it would pierce his body. Naruto was a bit shocked at this but didn't seem all that effected by it.

"Wha… that should have killed you!" Sasuke said to the bleeding man.

"Guess it didn't." Naruto replied as he took out the knife and threw it at the area where Sasuke was, only to hit nothing. "Why, did you want it to?"

"I kinda did actually." Sasuke said behind Naruto, but left before he could turn around.

_FLASHBACK (Naruto is age 16) _(yeah, there a bit annoying, I know)

"Time to fight!" Jiraya said as he poured a pitcher of iced water and a bucket of snow on Naruto.

"WHUT THE WUS HELL THAT FER!" Naruto shouted.

"As I said, it's time to fight"

"WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT THEN!"

So anyway, once Naruto had all his things prepared, he walked out to the open field, more like desert actually, only to realize that his sensei was just there, writing in his notebook not paying any mind. So Naruto had pulled out his Five-seveN and kept his sights on his teacher.

"What are you doing?" Naruto asked in a slightly irrated tone.

"I'm just finishing my book, the deadline is next week after all." Jiraya replied calmly.

"Well why won't you fight?" with his gun (fully loaded with hollow point and incendiary bullets going in a pattern in his magazine) poking at the sensei's head.

"It doesn't matter-and could you stop doing that?"

Just then, for a split second, Naruto's anger fumed up so violently that within the split second that his anger raised up and down, he pulled the trigger.

"OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGODWHATHAVEIDONEOHCRAPIAMSOFREAKINGSCREWEDHERE." Naruto was in a state of so much confusion that it could have killed a guy.

"Will you please just quiet down, I'm trying to finish this." Came a remark from a supposed dead man with a bullet in his head.

"What the…" Naruto said as he dropped his gun. "A ghost, no zombie-OH SHIT A ZOMBIE!" Naruto said as he then took out his M4 and sprayed the man with bullets.

"Oi, I'm not a zombie okay, I just needed a way to show you this technique to use when ever you're a millimeter from death."

"Oh," Naruto said still breathing heavily from the shock, "okay."

"So when a human being is about to die he or she doesn't die immediately. There is always a short time before death, whether it is minutes, hours, or days. However, there is a type of cell in your body apart from the red or the white, it's more like a mixture. The brain is able to figure out how to use these cells, but because the body is in so much pain that the person doesn't feel the pain the brain is in so much stress that it cannot bring itself about to use the cells, it like instinct, to bring down the pain before anything else. So, you will naturally learn how to use these cells. How ever, the human body will still live but the wound and it's after effects will still be in motion. Bu-"

"So why'd you bring me out here any way?"

"Fine, I was just about to answer you but nooooooo, you have to go and interrupt me and every thing and-"

"A-HEM"

"Alright, alright" Jiraya said as he pulled out his knife, "you're here to get used to the pain."

"Uh, what are you do-" but was soon silenced with pain as Jiraya stabbed his knife into Naruto's thigh, right into the very bone, then forcefully ripping it out from to the knee caps so half of the thigh bone is cut. But before Naruto could even look down at his leg where the all the pain was, Jiraya had stuck his hand inside of Naruto's leg and ripped the top half of his kneecap out. Naruto had simply fallen over, but a short break was luxury that was too expensive.

"Get up" Jiraya said coldly.

Naruto in a state of rebellion against this mad man had pulled out an S&W Chiefs Special and pointed it at his teacher. All Jiraya did was kick the gun out of the fallen man's hand and stab the knife in the lower part of Naruto's palm, as to split the two fore arm bones. He kept his knife in Naruto's hand for a reason, so he could wiggle it to open up the gash even more. Once he did that, he put his knife away, oh no not to stop, but so he could grab his arm and using his other arm, stuck it inside and grabbed hold of a few muscle strings, pulled them out of the open wound and used the arm that was holding the arm to get his knife and cut the muscles. Naruto had turned over so he could hold his arm with injuries one could only imagine. But alas this was his fault, because Jiraya had stabbed his arm on the bone, turned it to an angle and ripped out messily, and did this to his arm about seven more times.

"W-what, a-are y-y-you doing?" Naruto had barely managed to get this sentence out with coughed out blood.

Jiraya had said nothing, only grabbing Naruto's other leg and breaking it by forcing to bend the other way and stabbing it on the outer part of the knee cap and took out another knife an stabbed it on the back of Naruto's heel. Then he had twisted it to the side. Satisfied that Naruto couldn't do anything to stop him he took him by the hair (I would have said balls but that just wouldn't be right) and dragged him inside the house they were currently staying in. Once inside he threw him onto a chair, sitting him down. He had traded his two knives for a metallic walking stick.

"Are you done?" Naruto questioned.

"No." Jiraya replied and stabbed the top end of the stick into Naruto's stomach so forcefully that Naruto had almost thrown up, he then picked up one of Naruto's arms with the stick and threw it behind the chair. He then wielded the stick like a bat and swung so forcefully at Naruto's torso that he not only broke three to four ribs, but also the entire rib cage nearly folded itself over. He then lifted up the chair making Naruto be on his back, so he could break it. Once he did he picked him up and had his face turn towards the ceiling.

'_Am I going to die?' _Naruto thought.

"In case you're wondering, you are not going to die. But this is last piece of torture I can deal out without the aid of chemicals."

And he threw him onto the ceiling so Naruto's nose and jaw would break.

"Like I said," Jiraya said catching him, "that's it, but now it's time to get these wounds fixed up."

He took him to a bathtub filled with disinfectant alcohol and threw him inside. After he had let Naruto wail around in the bathtub for a couple of minutes he helped Naruto get into his bed, and no, he didn't wrap up any of the wounds. He did this routine daily for three months allowing 1 week of healing at the beginning of each month, how he did this you can imagine.

_END FLASHBACK_

"What am I you ask? The man who is going to kill the two of you." Naruto said as he saw Sasuke jump behind a steel crate.

Naruto pulling out his M107 .50 cal asked, "You think that's going to protect you?" before he shot at where Sasuke's head would be four times. Sasuke being extremely relived to have the crate filled with something, and shifted slightly so he would have a better shot with his silenced .22. But then he was extremely shocked as Naruto's Desert Eagle then shot it out of his hand.

How he did this I'll explain. He took out the top bullet of the magazine and replaced it with a custom one with a straight side at an angle and put it in a certain way. After he had loaded his magazine into the handgun he shot at the open hole in the crate so it would ricochet off a side inside the box and shoot the gun out of Sasuke's hand. So then, giving it little to no thought dived behind a large aluminum crate.

What Naruto did next he was interrupted in by Sakura's chemical bomb. But then once he landed after jumping he had another load of C4 explode on his wounded back. So he went into a mode described by Halo fans 'going beserk'. Which is basically to him picking up the nearest explosive chemical barrel and releasing the pin on a grenade then running towards the nearest target, Sasuke. So he charged at the crate where Sasuke would be hiding like a mad bull and exploding, however he can't die from this and Sasuke left the hiding spot for a more dark space.

And in case your wondering here's another flashback, but don't bitch about it.

_FLASHBACK (Naruto is 19 and is receiving a final lesson a week before his first assassination)_

"Okay, why are we out here looking at hookers again?" Naruto asked.

"Just watch, see that girl over there, she is gonna get laid tonight for sure." Jiraya said, and sure enough she got picked up three minutes later.

"How'd you do that?"

"It's like this for all things, you look at age and whatever you're looking at's condition. You try."

It took Naruto at least ten tries before he got really good at it.

_Fast-forward two days of this practice._

"And before you go on your first hit, you must learn to use your instincts, in this case, go beserk." Jiraya taught Naruto.

"And how, might I ask, I do that?" Naruto replied.

"You stop thinking and let your body act for you. However, only do this in an act of saving yourself."

"How do I stop thinking?"

"You just let your mind go."

"How?"

"When you're badly injured, it will be easier."

So since you've already read the story he has learned to do this and really go over the edge.

_Fast-forward to Naruto's first assassination_

"Alright I'll pick you up via police helicopter at three o'clock in the morning, you will arrive there in a pizza delivery truck. Your target is Lee Saito (no relation to Rock Lee) he has twenty hired professional bodyguards, however the payee doesn't care who lives so long as Lee dies. And here are the blueprints to his house." Jiraya said as he informs his student, "Notice the panic room connected to the master bed room, the door is a foot of reinforced titanium. And once all this is over, you will be leaving me, becoming your own teacher."

"Alri-WHAT! But-but-but-"

"No buts now get ready. And a final lesson," he told his watery eyed student, "Don't Die."

So once Naruto got there he wasn't shocked when he saw a guard answer the door.

"What is it?" the guard asked the pizza man.

"Here." Naruto said as he gave him the pizza.

"We ordered pizza?"

"Yeah, and before I go, do you have the time?"

"Uh, yeah, it's ele-" as the guard responded but was cut short by Naruto's two warning shots, in his head.

So the guards, alerted by the gunshots went out to see a pizza man with a gun, who pulled out a RPG and shot at the five of them, blowing them up before they knew what hit them. Once inside, he pulled out his trusty M4 and shot at the four guards guarding the hallway.

"Oh damn, oh damn! " Lee said to himself as he was ushered inside his panic room by five guards.

"You've got no way in but this door." One of guards shouted towards the door hoping he could hear him.

Luckily he could, so he decided another way to get past the remaining ten guards. He found some beer bottles and emptied the beer all over the floor. He stripped the first dead guards clothes off and turned the clothes into little strips. He found the garage and used the empty bottles, the strips of clothing, and the gas from the cars to make: Molotov Cocktails. He went up into the ventilation systems and threw them onto the hallways drenched with beer. Five guards went out to put out the fire but Naruto punched a hole into the floor of the ventilation shaft and let only his upper body come out so he could fire out two shots, one shot in the one head per guard in that hallway, and then he jumped down to face the three remaining guards in hand-to-hand combat.

So the guards didn't want to fight Naruto by hand so they tried to shoot at him with their AK-47's (it's cheap and easy to clean). But Naruto had knocked one of the guard's guns out of his hand and used him as a human shield to block the bullets. He had thrown him onto another guard so he had knocked him out. The last guard just went tactical at the last second and shot at the falling pieces of rubble above Naruto's head so it would fall on him. Naruto had decided to let this man die with an advanced "technique", going beserk. Naruto had jumped onto the fire and let himself catch on fire, he then rushed the guard and beat his head so many times with fists that were on fire that his skull cracked and the bone tore open the skin, allowing the brain to ooze out.

"READY OR NOT HERE I COME YOU BASTARDS!" Naruto shouted as threw the unconscious guard into the master bedroom.

"OVERKILL BOYS!" the head body guard shouted as the body was painted by artillery fire.

The guards, seeing this, had all gathered around the body to see if it was really him. But there he was in the hallway with his RPG drawn and waiting.

"L-l-look, look, LOOK DAMMIT!" one of the guards pointed out that the intruder was in the doorway. "GASP!" (or something of the sort) went all the guards before they were blown up into little pieces.

He put on some brass knuckles and continued to punch the wall. His stamina and will like that of a god had finally pierced the wall. He pulled out his knife and held Lee still as he placed the knife on his neck.

"I've been using my knife a lot, is it still sharp?"

"Uh, ye-ye-yeah it is."

"Good to hear. Now, shall I take a moment to pity you?"

"S-sure, why not?"

"Moment's over, good bye." Naruto said as he then just knocked him out and decided to leave him to burn. But then he found some rope. He tied him up by the feet and let his body dangle above the fire.

_END FLASHBACK_

So there you go, longer at viewer's requests and if you don't review…

"Yippe-kai-ay mutherfucker!" just joking, but review please.


	3. Sasuke's Training

Hello, for all those who are Sakura fans and are wondering why Sasuke's training is now instead of later and wish to complain, die. Just die. I'll say it only in the first two chapters seeing as how it's a waste of space.

-say0narabus

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Ch.3, Sasuke's training

With Naruto out of breath right now because the berserker mode gets him tired, Sasuke decided he would take him out before he goes all invincible again. But then the thought of Sakura's explosives worried him a bit. So this is how he went about it: he decided to break down Sakura then take care of Naruto. How did he break her down? Well he is going to do it to Naruto too.

Sakura, in case you were wondering was in the ventilation ducts setting up some chemical gases. Once she got down she was shocked to get shot in the neck by a needle. And if any of you didn't figure out it, was Sasuke who fired the needle. This needle contained a hallucinogen. The reason why he didn't just kill Sakura right then was because that's just not him. He enjoys playing with his prey before killing them.

Then he shimmied across the roof and to get to Sakura's current position.

"_It was all because of you…"_ a voice that came form the speakers said.

"Huh? What do you mean?" Sakura replied started to get a bit woozy.

"He died because of you, all because of you…" 

"Wha… that wasn't m-"

"Yes it was and he went crazy, and it was because of-" 

"NO!!! NO NO NO NO NO!!!"

"Yes, don't deny it, Rock Lee was killed by you…" 

"No, it wasn't me, no it wasn't."

"Remember, that day April 8…" 

"STOP IT! Stop it, please."

"_The two boys saw you… when Lee came to talk to you, Gaara did too. They fought over you."_

"I said STOP!!!" she said as she took out a Glock 17 and shot in different directions.

"Gaara did it for you he killed Lee for you… and he killed again and again and again, all for you."

Sakura just sat, trembling.

FLASHBACK (Sasuke is age 10)

"You must be wondering why we're here, aren't you?" Orichimaru suggested his student's thoughts.

_Well, actually no, more like why the hell I started training with a guy like you._ "Yeah pretty much." Sasuke answered.

"You obviously must be thinking otherwise."

"…"

In case you didn't have the imagination to think up your own setting, it would be in a dark room with one chair, one light, and one Mark .22 "Hush Puppy" tranquilizer pistol (kudos to anyone who knows where I got THAT from.)

Once the two of them were inside. It was pitch black and Sasuke was thrown against the chair and was forced to sit down.

"Goodnight," The snake man said with the tranq. gun in his hand.

After being shot by the same poison injected into Sakura, the same weird, low, wispy voice came out.

"You… you… you couldn't do it, no you couldn't," 

"What?" was the reply in a voice that was still woozy from the shot.

"They died, yes they did, yes they did." This was soon accompanied by several hallucinations of his family. 

"N-no, no, it wasn't me," the ten-year old said trying to keep a cool head.

Then the hallucinations grew worse with false, yet believable, family relatives saying, _"Why couldn't you save me?"_ and things like that.

It was then that he grew a tad bit crazy and how do you say, angry.

"_You were weak, you should have died. You should have been killed!"_

Jumping up from the chair, he pulled out a Walther PPK out of nowhere and shot randomly.

"Stop that," Orchimaru calmly said despite almost getting shot, grabbing the top of the gun and dismantling it on the spot before Sasuke could fire it again.

"DAMMIT!!!" Sasuke shouted realizing that his gun was useless and instead pulled out a machete and swung it in different directions.

"Hey." Snake-Man said and just gave him a bop over the head to knock him out of it.

"Ow," he said under his breath so no one could hear. But being suddenly brought back into reality pulled out a butterfly knife (if ya really want me to go into specifics: Arc-Angel from Cold Steel) and was ready and willing to kill the guy who attacked him.

A swift kick from Orochimaru K.O.ed the young man until later. _'Man that was annoying.' _Thought the conscious man. (Orchimaru for all you guys who didn't get it.)

Many minutes later, Sasuke awoke tied to his bed with chains.

"What is this?" Sasuke questioned.

"Hehe…"

"Okay..?"

"Think for yourself Sasuke."

"Hn, and do have to test out all the new techniques on me?"

END FLASHBACK 

"BADA-BING BIATCH!" all of a sudden Naruto came bursting out of nowhere with bandages on his wounds, a minigun in one hand, and a custom pistol in the other. The pistol is what I like to call a 5.0 pistol. Why? Because it's caliber and shell size is ten times the size of a .50 cal sniper, so the gun is just one shot and weighs around 10 kg.

He shot all around him with the minigun in one hand and when he was sure that he had spotted Sasuke behind some cover he pulled the trigger of the 5.0 and was knocked back a couple of steps.

But luckily, the thing that was shot wasn't him, even though it looked like him. He was actually in the shadows, invisible to all; nothing could see him, no matter what you did. But before he could mentally breakdown Naruto, Sakura had just barely managed to recover from her trip to memory land and set off the A/C and the chemical explosives.

"Shit, stay down, stay down, it should float out of here any moment," Sasuke said to himself. But it didn't float away and seemed to be growing more and more dense.

Meanwhile, Sakura injected two things into her leg and swallowed some pills. The latter was longer lasting steroids that had no side affects; and the two shots were antidotes. One was to get out of what felt like a hangover from 50 gallons of Mexican moonshine that came from Sasuke's hallucinogen, and the other was for her explosives in the air.

"FUCK!!! IT'S FUCKING GAS…

AND IT'S NOT GOING THE FUCK AWAY EITHER!!!" Naruto was screaming at the top of his lungs trying to get away from the gas.

Sasuke was busy trying to do something, but before you knew it, he was out of there, not by door or window because the door had been cramped shut by Naruto (don't argue with this) and the windows had been booby trapped by Sakura.

SO HOW YOU ASK? By intangibility and all states of matter, hell, that's how he is always so goddamn invisible all the damn time.

FLAHBACK (Sasuke is age 13)

"Sasuke, come here." Orchimaru sure was blunt today.

"Hn," was Sasuke's ultimate reply.

"You are going to go through this obstacle course in under ten minutes."

Looking over he spotted a wall with nothing on it, just a wall.

"What obstacle course?"

"This one." Orochimaru pointed to the wall.

"What?"

"You won't be let out of here until you get to the other side."

"Wh-what?!"

"Two final tips: rules are made to be broken and don't underestimate the human mind." With that, he left.

Walking to the wall he put his ear to it and tapped on it three times.

"Titanium alloy, six inches." Sasuke measured.

So then the insanity began,

He did all he could but couldn't get through.

He was starving

He hadn't eaten for weeks and cannot imagine daylight anymore.

"Dammit," Sasuke cursed under his breath.

Feeling like he was going to die, he just let himself go, his state of mind let him just go, leave, be not there, have no more emotions, have no more energy (A/N Science wise, potential, kinetic, chemical, that crap that almost nobody in the upper class of society gives a shit about), have no more thoughts, feelings, dreams, matter, just gone.

Then, he really did disappear, he fell and hit a thick concrete wall.

'Wait, the wall isn't concrete…" 

It took him a few moments to realize it was the ground, and that he was sinking.

'_Wha, OH SHIT!' _ He mentally cursed and jumped up.

'What was that? Whatever, crap I'm hungry."

Looking up he spotted a door, well a big one. And not having the strength to open it he decided to try the weird thing again, and he fell through again to meet Kabuto, who was calmly reading a book.

"Oh, hello Sasuke. How was it?"

Feeling like a piece of shit, he just moved on, ignoring him, looking for a way out, or better yet, food.

"You want food, no?"

Instead of the trademark "Hn", he had a long groan of agreement and was stumbling towards Kabuto, that is, before blacking out.

Waking up in a bed, he thought _'Why do these "special" lessons always get me in an infirmary bed?' _Picking himself up off the bed and brushing past the doctor he went to his nice, wonderful, and absolutely stupendous teacher, Orochimaru.

"Why the FUCK did you do that to me?"

Smirking and chuckling to himself he left the room.

'Whatever, alright, now what happened?' Sasuke silently thought to himself. Well instead of 10 minutes of dialogue of Mr. Ice, I'll tell you personally, be happy.

As some of you may know, the 3 main states of matter are: solid, liquid, and then the gaseous state. The human body actually has a higher temperature than 98.6 degrees; it carries heat past water's boiling point. All the friction from the blood against the veins, the air carried from the red blood cells, everything just generates heat. However, the atoms of a solid, or a liquid, or air (for all the n00bs, more than ¾ of the body is liquid; your skin is solid so you have solids; and if I were to be able to squish all the atoms in your head so no more air is left, it would be no larger than the head of a pin) are always moving, one way or another, so that's how the heat is released.

As for Sasuke, because the human mind controls everything in you body, his mind involuntarily stopped the kinetic energy in his body. So then this led to his body gaining up so much heat that everything went gaseous, but barely though. And by stopping all action in his body he managed to not get a reaction from the wall. The gaseous state of his body helped reduce the amount of reaction.

_**(A/N VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**_

If confused then e-mail me, don't leave "Your story sux cus it wus too confusing." If so then ur jus being a baitch.

A/N VERY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) END FLASHBACK Sakura just took a blow to the face by the miasma she let loose in the air. Another one. If you really thought it out you'd know why Naruto was getting the same treatment from the air. And I ain't gonna tell you why. 

So anyway Sakura, getting annoyed by the random beating out of nowhere, dispelled the gas by letting loose another one.

Sasuke had come out of nowhere with to two knives drawn to attack Sakura and Naruto simultaneously, despite the fact that they were on the opposite sides in the warehouse. When Sakura retaliated by activating a bomb (you just have to wonder, how many FUCKING BOMBS DOES SHE HAVE?) right underneath him, he disappeared. No, it wasn't bunshin. Naruto retaliated by using another custom gun, one in his ring. Actual .22 bullet, just very little gunpowder, just enough to go 20 yards at full force. All that happened was just an after image.

How did he do it? C'mon, if you don't know that I'll tell you then you really are a n00b.

FLASHBACK (Sasuke is age 15) 

"You know what a ninja is Sasuke?"

"An assassin."

"A ninja is nothing; it is air; it is earth; it is everything."

"You're scaring me Kabuto."

"You already know what your body's limits are, right?"

"Yes."

"No, no you don't. You see, the fact that the human body is so complicated, that is what makes it so intriguing."

"Okay…"

"Try to punch me."

"You sure?"

"I said, try to punch me…

No wait, lemme guess, you can't."

"Wh-"

"You're too weak, that's why."

Sasuke suddenly, but unintentionally, punched air.

"See, that proves it." Kabuto was behind him. What happened was that Kabuto was moving so fast that what happened was an after image.

How Sasuke did it was just a more complicated way of the same technique. He was in three places at the same time. He was behind a box, moving so fast as to appear running towards Sakura and moving so fast as to appear to be running towards Naruto. Yes, this chapter is confusing. Compare Sasuke to, I dunno, Neo. He can almost dodge bullets.

But I'm talking about the Neo from the first Matrix, the second and third are just crap.

END FLASHBACK 

"DAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITDAMMITALLTOHELL! THIS GUY IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING!" As anyone can guess, this was Naruto, cursing at the top of his lungs, for reasons you should know.

So anyway Naruto then spotted Sakura who then spotted Sasuke who then spotted Naruto who then spotted Sasuke who then spotted Sakura who then spotted Naruto.

They all flew at each other, getting tired of this fight. Sakura jumped behind Naruto and put him in a full nelson while Sasuke ran up and was nearly pummeled into the ground by Sakura's body that was thrown by Naruto. Sasuke dodged Sakura and delivered a haymaker onto Naruto's cheek. He then jumped over Naruto and grabbed Naruto's neck from behind as hard as he could. Suddenly being jerked up into the air with such force that his neck was nearly dislocated. Naruto was then thrown up into the air and thrown over Sasuke's and put into a headlock.

Then Sasuke broke his jaw. After he then grabbed Naruto by the legs and used him as some sort of a jump rope, and threw him into the ground so hard that the floor with in ten foot radius a cracked. But he wasn't done yet. Falling with all of his weight he landed on Naruto's back, which was wrapped with a now bloody bandages, with his elbows. Jumping into the air, clicking his heels, revealing two Cold Steel Desperado knives with one on each heel, he landed heels down on Naruto's back. IF you thought that was it, then you are a true idiottttttttttttttttttttttttttttt. He pulled a suitcase out of nowhere and opened it up so all the contents would be flying in the air. He grabbed each individual piece and put them together to make two Mini Uzi's, with a barrel magazine with seventy-five bullets in each magazine per gun. He just unloaded on Naruto. Seventy-five plus seventy-five equals one hundred fifty bullets in one man. But you don't kill Naruto…

NARUTO KILLS YOU 

He flipped up with red eyes with a **knife** in each hand, a seven-inch blade with brass knuckles instead of a handle. Puncho-puncho, stabbity, rip, stabstab. A constant flurry of attacks on Sasuke's face would have left him dead and rather ugly. But did he hit him. NO. Much like I said, an after-image.

Sasuke, with eyes a now magnificent cherry red and death all over them, saw Sakura. He unleashed an uncountable amount of smoke grenades into the air, making it impossible to see anything.

A silenced pistol shot ran through the air and caught Sakura in the skin between her middle and ring finger.

'_He's playing with me…' _Sakura thought to herself.

"Walther PPK with a home-made silencer." Naruto grumbled as he crawled into a corner and began to wrap his wounds.

Five more shots in the thick fog got Sakura in the legs; the arms and one grazed her scalp. By chance.

"Damn, I missed…"

FLASHBACK (Sasuke is age 19)

"Kabuto, what are you doing in an airport?" Sasuke questioned Kabuto in a room with a projector.

On the screen he saw Kabuto in an airport, and with a smirk he flipped open the suitcase, just like Sasuke did earlier in this chapter, and out popped several pieces. And just like Sasuke, he constructed an M-9 Beretta on the spot and killed a man on the spot and deconstructed an M-9 Beretta on the spot and walked away quietly IN AN AIRPORT, A FUCKING AIRPORT. AN AIRPORT IS SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE TOP OF THE LINE SECURITY AND HE KILLED SOMEONE…

IN AN AIRPORT…

Now after watching this video, Sasuke became more, how do you say, "respectful" to his superiors. And I don't give a shit if the way you imagined he would act as being respectful is "OOC" okay? He was just a bit wary that either Kabuto or Orochimaru could kill him anywhere, anytime, suddenly, in front of a police station no less, and walk away with no evidence. YOU'D BE A BIT MORE RESPECTFUL TO YOUR PARENTS AND (or) TEACHERS IF YOU KNEW THEY COULD DO THAT! WOULDN'T YOU?

So instead of having to watch his two teachers show off all these fancy-shmancy moves Sasuke decided he would teach himself these things.

_FASTFORWARD SIX MONTHS_

"Hello Sasuke," Orochimaru (the crazy sun-of-a-biatch) popped out of nowhere, scared the shit out of Sasuke, and had a hooded figure with him.

"Uh, Hello…" Sasuke replied, in some shock.

"Meet my good friend Itachi, I'm pretty sure you know him."

By the time he finished the sentence Sasuke already pounced on the figure and started pounding it with all his might. Alas, it was a simple mannequin with a videotape in it.

"Huh? What the hell is this?" Sasuke asked, holding up the tape.

"It is a videotape." Orochimaru replied.

"Okay… where did YOU get a video tape?"

"Just put it in the VCR."

"You have a VCR?"

"Just put it in."

With that he put it into the VCR and saw Itachi talking.

"Hello Sauske, Orochimaru. Now the fact that you are watching this is that Orochimaru is confident that you may beat me. However I won't just settle for a simple battle. I am in the United States, where I won't tell. However as soon as you step out of the airport Orochimaru will give me a call saying it has started. The first one to assassinate the other wins."

All of a sudden the voice you hear after commercials came on and then said, "This message will now self-destruct with the force of a twenty-five megaton nuclear warhead. Have a nice day."

But they took out the tape before it could say that.

"Wait, is it even possible to fit a twenty-five nuclear warhead in to a simple tape?"

"It was made by Tsunade."

"Ah, okay then."

Tsunade is, well if you can't already tell then I ain't gonna tell you. Why? 'Cause if you can't tell then your just a STUPID N00B.

Now the next day in the Los Angeles Airport, (biggest city in the world) as soon as Sasuke stepped out onto the streets, a bullet flew by, cutting off some of his hair. With this most people would have ran or ducked behind some cover. But Sasuke just stood there like nothing happened. He waited for another bullet to pass by.

This time he found the bullet holes in the ground and stuck his hand in his trench coat, moving it furiously. He took out a silenced Walther PPK and aimed it to a nearby building no more than 200 meters away.

"That son of bitch is using a silenced VSSK Vychlop." Then he proceeded to shoot twice at the building. The figure fell.

"A hitman was found today no more than two hundred meters away from the downtown Los Angles airport with two bullet wounds in his head. The police have identified this man to be the very infamous sniper, whose previous targets have been the mayor, the governor, and the senator. It has been discovered that he was working under the gang leader Uchiha Itachi and-"

A hooded figure turned off the TV and muttered "Looks like I'll have to do this myself."

When Sasuke went walking on the streets of New York, he decided to buy a hot dog. Why am I telling you that Sasuke ordered a hot dog with every possible condiment known to man on it? Because the man behind him attempted to stab Sasuke in the back of the leg with an umbrella, on "accident".

Well this so happens to have been done before. A man who has been exiled from his country started speaking out against the country's leaders and economy. So they sent out an assassin to kill him. Now this may have been fact until this point because I am not quite so sure how this had happened. Apparently this assassin stabbed the man in the back of the leg with the tip of his umbrella on "accident", much like the situation of Sasuke, however the man was walking and wasn't as trained as Sasuke. So the man died after several hours of vomiting and being in pain. He died "supposedly because of nanobots". That's why I said I was a bit skeptical on the facts.

However Sasuke was craftier and dodged the umbrella point and brought his foot down, breaking the umbrella.

"Ah, oh shat. Sorry 'bout that. Didn't mane to do it." Yes, yes you did Sasuke-with-a-lame-ass-accent.

"Oh, don't worry about my favorite umbrella that happened to be a gift from my late father. I break it all the time." Don't you love sarcasm?

"Sorry, the name's Jin, Jin Rose." By the way, he is feigning friendship to hide his true identity. And to further this he stuck out his gloved hand to shake.

The hitman shook it. The hitman is a: Fucking Idiot.

Now he is a fucking idiot because Sasuke covered his glove in poison. So the man bought a hot dog and ate it. After touching it with his poisoned hand. Fucking Idiot. I will leave the rest to your imagination.

Now after this he went into Itachi's mansion. His $25,000,000,000 mansion with a garage that's filled to every square inch with either a Porsche, a Ferrari, a Mercedes, or an Auston Martin. He is a rich bastard. A very rich bastard.

Now as soon as he entered he took out a knife (Cold Steel's Black Bear Classic) and a gun (Arcus 94). Not surprisingly enough, when Sasuke entered the room Itachi only had two bodyguards.

He saw the one on the left running at him and simply tripped him. But as the man was falling down, he was stabbed in the back. A bullet had kissed the other fool.

Five bullets to be exact.

Now all that's left is a certain Uchiha Itachi.

"Stupid Brother. Though I'm not one for talking, I will tell you why people like you cannot touch me, cannot dream of being like me. Even be near me. It's because people like you cannot learn." In the middle of his little monologue, Itachi pressed a button on his desk. His desk split open to reveal four Micro-Uzi's. All of them had shoulder straps. He put one on each shoulder and one in each hand.

They were just staring. Just staring at each other. If you will, call it bonding.

Suddenly Orochimaru came out of the wall.

He came out via motorized turning wall.

This sudden appearance in a tense situation made Sasuke suddenly jump to Orochimaru and put his knife to his throat while his gun was at Itachi's forehead. This in turn made Itachi point his Uzi's to Sasuke and Orochimaru. This in turn made Orochimaru pull out a sawed off shotgun and aim it at Sasuke and pull a machete on Itachi.

Mind you, even professional assassins rely on instinct from time to time.

"What the fuck are you doing Sasuke?"

"What the fuck are you doing here Orochimaru?"

"What the fuck are you people complaining about?"

Quote number one: Orochimaru. Quite peeved that his best student had a knife to his throat and his old acquaintance had a gun pointed at his head.

Quote number doos (two in "faux Spanish"): Sasuke. The little surprise of his old teacher showing up suddenly made him jump the gun, and he just wanted to point a gun at his bro.

Quote number tatlo (three in Tagalog): Itachi. He just wanted to kill the two people in the room to once more show the world that he was indeed the best.

"So what to do no-" this simple sentence was cut off by a bullet of Itachi and a cut by Sasuke. However Itachi's wall just had a hole in it and Sasuke lost his balance a bit.

For those who fail to see that Orochimaru was using the after-image technique Sasuke learned, here you go.

"COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP! WE KNOW THAT YOU'RE IN THERE! UCHIHA ITACHI AND UCHIHA SASUKE!" It was one of those weird voices that come out in those movies whenever there was a hostage situation, you know those right?

A semi-loud bang was heard downstairs. When the looked to see was happening they saw SWAT.

Luckily there was a table at the top of the staircase. However there was only ONE table. ONE table and TWO blood related archenemies. This could spell out what I like to call: "possible-friendship"…

Nah.

"Hm, look at that, just look at fucking that. You just had to shoot the man who literally owns the police force."

"What do mean by I shot him? If I remember correctly _little brother_ you were the one who tried to slit his throat." Throughout their bickering they were surprisingly calm.

However a Twelve-Gauge shotgun blast that just missed Sasuke's head by a mere four centimeters quickly shut them up. However this quickly gave them both an idea. However you must realize that Itachi only has his four Uzi's and Sasuke only has his Arcus 94 with two more magazines and a knife. This combination could have been very good under other circumstances, but against the FBI, SWAT, CIA, Police, Interpol, and a lot of other crap that if I mention I'll get sniped right here, they are very well screwed.

This idea was to act dead. The shotgun blast from SWAT's point of view looked like it had killed them. So they simply let an arm or a leg appear out the side, but if that weren't convincing enough, Sasuke cut his leg were the officer's couldn't see it so some blood would be seen. When two teams went around, four men per side, they got a "surprise".

Sasuke immediately slid on his blood to the other wall and shot all four men under the facemasks. He then exchanged his Arcus for a SWAT MP5, and using his knife as a makeshift mirror to look down the sights of the MP5 from behind a pillar on the stair case he then just unloaded on the rest of the team making them duck for cover and give Sasuke a second to put the sniper on his back, the M14 in his left, and the shotgun in his right.

Itachi on the other side didn't have any blood to slide on, but he shot the team captain on the leg making said captain fall and Itachi get up and use the solider as a human shield. With a proper shield in place he to killed the rest of them by shooting them under the chest plate. He killed the captain by-

Listen, I just described two ways to kill a SWAT guy. Now if you do not have the imagination to think up a way to kill a fully armed guy that is disabled and momentarily your bitch with a Micro-Uzi pointed at his chin, then ask someone else.

From this point they his hid. They could have hidden in a closet, under a dead guy, behind a door, on the motherfucking chandelier, but either way they hid in that room.

Now when the SWAT guys went out of their cover to check the room, Itachi and Sasuke both looked to see in any of them had their size clothing. They were lucky. Well not the police officers, but our two "heroes" were.

Sasuke hid in the chandelier (told you) and ever so carefully, as to not move the unsteady piece of furniture pulled out his sniper. He found his target and shot the man right through the Kevlar into the area where the neck meets the shoulder, into the chest where the shock of a bullet traveling over 250 fps pops a lung and enters the heart where it stays. After which he just shoots the rest in the head before they could react.

Itachi hid underneath a pile of dead bodies and waited for the team to check out their losses.

First one was rolled onto the floor, "Dammit Jimmy…"

Number two, "What am I supposed to say to your wife and kids Don?"

Now in Roman Numerals! III, "Even though you were the new kid, you were still family."

The "pièce de résistance", FOUR. "…"

I belive the proper term would be SHANKED!!!

From the guy's shocked expression with a knife in his head, the others were just as shocked but not dead, yet. The dead body was thrown and then a knife was thrown. Fingernails through a guy's neck and a hand grasping the heart are the ways to go.

SWAT is down.

In no less than one minute, the two brothers dressed up in the SWAT uniforms. Sasuke was in the uniform of the man he very carefully sniped and Itachi was in the uniform of the man he SHANKED. I love that word.

They then walked out of there with the masks on, jumped into a car and drove off. But mind you they were still in the same car. Time for more bonding.

"Well, that was fun."

"Says the idiot."

"Die, alright. Just die."

"After you."

"Why'd you do it?"

"What?"

"Kill the family."

"Oh, that?"

"Yeah, 'that'."

"To test my strength."

"Fuck you."

"You would have done it too."

"Fuck you."

"…"

Before Sasuke could shank (yessssssssss) Itachi, Itachi jumped out of the car and escaped. Thus leaving a very pissed off Sasuke.

END FLASHBACK 

For the first time in the entire story, the trio happened to have met each other all at the same time and actually took time to look at their enemy. The rest was just blind gun fighting, fistfights, explosions, more explosions, more gunfights, and cuss words. (FUCK YEAH)

Sasuke had a machete pointed at Naruto's rib cage and a knife pointed at Sakura's jugular. Naruto had a grenade in each hand, knowing that he could survive but they could not. And Sakura had a laser pointer pointed at Naruto's and Sasuke's foreheads making it so thirty set up automatic machineguns that were set to open fire on whatever the laser was pointing to by the push of a button.

Glorious.

---

Twenty bucks says that at least 30 percent of the people reading this story will not read this specific part. Thirty bucks says that I am going to thank what little of you who review and have reviewed. Forty bucks says that chances are all of you who are confused will say so in the review while adding something nice. Fifty bucks says that some of you have scratched your heads in confusion while reading the flashbacks. 1,000,000,000 bucks says that I will try hard to update but fail miserably without getting enough reviews. Is it possible for you to review? I dunno…


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